


Clone Fucking • Debatable

by ElasticElla



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Clone Sex, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 06:54:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15213620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: “It’snotyou! It’s like a twin- incest!”“I didn’t say move to West Virginia and marry your clone, just bang them.”“I can't even. Look, either they’re human enough to fuck or disposable enough to harvest for replaceable organs, you can’t-”“Have my liver and fuck it too?”





	Clone Fucking • Debatable

**Author's Note:**

> the first pancake fic, i just did a femslash one yesterday & i'm feeling more in the writing grove again \o/

“Welcome to Debatable, the show where we subject ourselves to stupid trivial arguments so you don’t have to. Fucking a clone of yourself- the next step in higher masturbation or immoral beyond comprehension? Are we gonna reach a resolution, probably not. But hey, maybe we’ll reach around. Clone fucking- it’s debatable.” 

Ryan manages not to roll his eyes during Shane’s introductory speech- an impressive feat to be sure. Ordinarily he’s just filmed arguing with whoever he’s paired up with and once uploaded he gets to see the other participants’ arguments and Shane’s intro. But Shane was down a person and insisted it’d be better if they were debating together. 

Which, well, _yeah_. The two vids they’ve argued in, over if ghosts are real and if using Bad Dragon products counts as bestiality, got waaaaaay more hits than the others. Moreover, Ryan genuinely enjoys debating with Shane- even if Shane tends to think of real arguments far faster than him. Not that the smug douche doesn’t annoy him, but that’s the price of admission or whatever. 

It doesn’t matter; today, Ryan is going to obliterate Shane. It’s gonna be a solid win for all the Boogaras out there.

“So do you think having sex with a clone of yourself-”

“No! Absolutely not.”

Shane chuckles at his interruption, “Nothing could convince you?” 

“I mean hypothetically I guess I’d do it for world peace or anything along those lines. But baring extenuating circumstances, no.”

“Why not?” Shane asks.

And Ryan’s already suspicious of the seemingly innocuous questions, but can’t help himself from answering. “It’s wrong man. And like I don’t trust my real self, definitely not my drunk self- I’m not gonna trust some shady fucker wearing my face. I know how that movie ends.” 

“So the only thing stopping you is a fear that your clone goes doppelganger on you?” 

Ryan narrows his eyes, “Why do you ask?” 

Shane smiles, saying, “Ricky come on out.” 

A man steps onto the stage, and Ryan can’t take his eyes off him. He automatically looks for differences in this mirror image of himself, spotting none until he opens his mouth. 

“It’s good to know you. We’re going to have such fun together.” 

The words come out stilted and slow, doesn’t sound like his voice at all, he better not sound like that to other people. 

“No fucking way,” Ryan mutters as Ricky approaches. 

“Now Ricky,” Shane says. “You don’t want to murder Ryan and take his place in the world, right?” 

“Of course not. I have no desire to shout in empty houses.” 

“You can’t trust a clone-” Ryan starts before the second sentence hits him and his jaw drops. “You _don’t_ believe in ghosts?!?” 

Shane’s snickering like a bastard hyena, and Ricky shrugs, vaguely apologetic. “I watched all the videos, and there’s no proof. I’m not saying ghosts are impossible, just improbable.” 

Ryan crosses his arms, “You’re no clone of mine.” 

Ricky looks amused instead of insulted though, comes closer to put a hand on his knee, too familiar and overly warm. “Does that mean you’ll be more amenable to carnal relations? Revelations even?” 

“Amenable- who the fuck _are_ you?” Ryan asks, pushing his hand off. Ricky is nothing like he expected, not that he expected an actual clone of himself to pop up at Buzzfeed. He would have thought the clone’s personality would have been very close to his own or robotic, not a separate entity. Not different enough to seem human at first glance and provoke more existential questions he doesn’t want to think about right now. 

Ricky grins, and his teeth seem sharper too, even more blindingly white. “I’m just a curious man.” He leans in to whisper the rest, too soft for the camera to pick up. “And I tend to get what I want. I think you’re curious too.”

Ryan’s about to ask what exactly he’s been getting, what his life has been like anyways, when Ricky leans in to kiss him. It’s a soft closed-mouth sort of kiss, and when there’s a choking sound from where Shane is, he can feel Ricky’s smirk.

Competitiveness swells up, even if it makes no sense at all, even if maybe Ricky is right about him being curious. He cups his neck and pulls him into his lap, opening his mouth. Ricky moans into the kiss, fingers grasping his shoulders and hips rocking forwards, and the only thing keeping Ryan from being completely lost to lust is Shane’s whispered _holy fuck_. 

He breaks the kiss for air and a grin, Ricky looking disheveled and adorable. Which is probably how he looks, and yeah he’s good with that. 

“Your move,” Ryan says and Ricky laughs. 

He slides off his lap, and oh, there’s a tinge of disappointment that Ricky was only proving a point. But he knows that kind of pettiness well, can-

Ricky’s getting on his knees before him, and Ryan’s eyes are wide. 

“Just to take the edge off before we drive home,” Ricky says. “Wouldn’t want you arrested for indecency.” 

And before he’s even fully processed that, Ricky is unzipping his pants and swallowing down his cock. 

Ryan gasps at the sudden warmth and wetness, grabbing at Ricky’s head. His hair is just a little too short to really yank around, and Ricky seems to know what he’s thinking, eyes glinting with mischief as he grins up at him. ( _No one_ should be able to look so fucking smug with a dick in their mouth, and fuck he’s going to come embarrassingly quick.) 

Ricky’s eyes flick back down as he starts bobbing his head up and down, and it’s so weird to think of Ricky as actively attractive rather than passively. That Ryan himself probably looks similar on his knees, that his eyes might glow in such a way, or his lips stretch enticingly wide, or- 

“Fuck,” he hisses as Ricky’s nose bumps into his pubic bone, has to close his eyes for a moment. It’s almost too much, too good, and when his eyes open again, he looks over at Shane. 

Shane almost appears normal, if you ignored the bulge in his jeans and the way he’s gripping the chair’s armrests. 

“Hey Shane, you gonna-”

Sudden coldness makes Ryan look down and Ricky’s taken his mouth off, nips his inner thigh. 

“You can play with him later,” Ricky says, voice soft and hoarse. “Pay attention to me.” 

“You are the evil clone-!”

Ricky’s fingers toy with his balls, “I will stop right now if you finish that sentence.” 

Ryan wants to spite him, but he’s pretty sure Ricky isn’t joking, swallows down the words in favor of the pleasure drumming through his system. 

Ricky smiles up at him, “Good boy.” 

The praise makes him harder than ever, Ricky’s mouth a warm overwhelming balm as he takes him in deep again. He can’t hold back any longer, his orgasm crashing over him as he comes down Ricky’s throat. 

He’s in a daze as Ricky swallows once more, cheekily grinning up at him and tucking him away. 

“I think we should discuss how pro-clone sex you are back at your place,” Ricky says, standing up.

The debate hits him then, somehow he’d forgotten about it, a warm flush burning in his cheeks. “Right.” 

Shane grins at the camera, “Pro-clone fucking wins.”

Ryan sputters, “You- you can’t do that, it messes up the format.” 

Shane snorts, “Whatever, that’s what editing’s for.”

Ricky nods, “The uncut version will be a nice _I told you so_.”

Him and Shane laugh, and Ryan’s eyes dart between them, a regrettably fond feeling twisting in his stomach, a suspicion that the two are going to gang up on him in the near future. Oh well, at least he’s pretty confident he’ll be getting many more orgasms out of it. And maybe even something else, but it’s far too soon to be thinking of feelings.


End file.
